


bitter to the touch

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crushes, Extended Metaphors, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Hurt, Inspired by Real Events, Lowercase, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Ouch, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27116194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which alex's crush on - and heartbreak over - george is explored through a lemon tree.
Relationships: George Andrew/Alex Elmslie
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	bitter to the touch

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy back on this shit   
> honestly it's 2020 i did not intend on publishing on this site again but here we be  
> this idea stems from the fact that i was talking discreetly abt a crisis regarding the fact that I, a lesbian, feel excluded by straight friends needing up men and a girl told me she'd fry my beans so we talked abt why i didn't wanna share using the bean metaphor.  
> oh and also the girl i have a crush on has a boyfriend! bc of course i have fallen for another straight girl!   
> anyways hope u enjoy :) this was cathartic to write.

he stumbles upon a tree in a forest. 

alex always thought if he were to fall in love with one of his friends, it would be james. 

he couldn't explain it, but he always believed it. something about james, whether his humor or his kindness or his smile, led alex to believe it would be him.

this tree is close to where he usually starts his path, so it's a wonder he didn't see it before. 

george was always considered in the question. sure, they were roommates. they were best friends. but all of them were best friends, and the amount that will and james come over to their flat is enough to qualify them as honorary roommates, so much so that alex has considered asking them for rent money at times when it seems like will's laughter is a constant presence in the flat. alex never really thought too hard about the possibility of him ever having feelings for george.

maybe that's why it hit him so hard.

it's got this welcoming aura to it, something indescribable that captivates his senses and leaves him wanting to know every single inch of its bark and leaves and branches.

it's slow at first. alex finds himself gravitating ever so slightly towards george at parties and at home and on calls. 

then it hits him all at once, and it's all he can think about. 

alex has to take a moment to process it when he first realizes. the air is sucked out of him for a moment because he never thought this was a real possibility. _it was supposed to be james!_ his brain screams at him with a confusion that furrows his brow and leaves him speechless.

but it consumes him. every waking thought in his mind is about george: wondering if george could use this tv show for his channel, wanting to go to the store to help him get groceries and do domestic shit with him, hoping he's doing okay during a night out with friends. it's everything and nothing all at once. alex for once enjoys the feeling of feeling overwhelmed. 

his eyes run across the greens of the leaves until he spots a lemon, the yellows of the rind inviting him in and making his chest do flips. 

the thing that hits him the hardest is his smile. 

by god, that smile. 

alex watches the corners of george's mouth shoot up after a particularly good game of fifa, and he knows he's whipped. george's smile fills up the room - scratch that, the whole damn flat - and it never fails to become contagious, the warm rays of yellow painting his lips a shade that rang familiar but paled in comparison to the garden of honeysuckle and buttercups blooming on george. 

he wants the fruit so badly. so he gets to work building a ladder, gathering the best sticks and fallen branches he can find. 

"does george have a girlfriend?"

"what?" 

"you heard me. does george have a girlfriend?"

will raises an eyebrow. "no i don't think so. why do you want to know so bad?"

alex shifts on the couch. "no reason. just curious." will squints at him in suspicion but lets the topic drop. 

he does, along with james, start to point out how lost in space he seems to be when they're together, neither of them seeming to notice the common link between all of it being his eyes locking on george's golden figure. they corner him once, but he's able to get out of it by claiming sleep depravity. he's just tired, he insists. 

he is tired. he's tired of not being able to focus on anything else while he's in the room. he's tired of his mind wandering to thoughts of his and his hair and his smile when he's not there. 

the clouds of exhaustion lift for just a second when george will smile at him from across the room or laugh at a joke he's made or send him a funny meme while he's at the store. they start sitting closer together on their couch to watch shitty tv shows, a head on a shoulder, a pair of legs draped over a lap. it's nice, he thinks, and he only can hope that george feels the same.

for a moment, he feels his fingertips graze against the soft yellows of the fruit.

alex notices their banter edge closer and closer to flirting. at first, he thinks this is simply something george is starting to do with everyone. they were all close friends, so george would likely start joking with all of them if it were a joke. yet alex never noticed george flirting with anyone else. the winks, the comments, and even the stupid discord dms of shitty pick up lines that made him both blush and laugh more than he'd like to admit all seemed to be reserved for him. alex, for the sake of the possibility of feeling like he might have a chance, plays along with it, sending back flushed emojis and charged lines and winky faces of his own. they keep doing it for weeks, and it reveals itself to be a scheme for alex to sink deeper into loving george. 

the tipping point, though, is when all four of them are together one night playing fifa at james'. he doesn't remember how it came up, but alex picks up on will weaving a drunken description of george's perfect partner. will stops for a second, confused. "wait, is this a girl? george, are ya into lads at all?" 

george looks not at will, not at the floor, not at the drink in his hand, but directly into alex's eyes and mutters "'m not really sure anymore" with such a potency that alex's breath is ripped straight from his lungs. 

even after they get back to their own flat, alex is still stunned. never before had a sentence filled him with such a set of conflicting feelings. he was so hopeful, yet somewhere inside him he could hear a voice telling him it was a misunderstanding, that george didn't really mean that or he heard him wrong. his chest and stomach are knotted around each other. 

alex goes to sleep that evening with a newly burgeoning sense of hope, giddy with the idea that maybe, just maybe, this could be mutual.

but they just barely miss. enough to make contact, not enough to grasp as his ladder falls apart, taking him down with it.

alex reads the message in the eboys group chat once, twice, three times over. he wrings his hands in silence. _this can't be happening._

his eyes read back over it a fourth time, then fleet to the congratulatory messages sent by will and james below it. will and james' contact photos look especially happy right now, almost too happy.

and george's.

george is fucking beaming in his.

alex had chosen that photo because it reminded him of all of the reasons why he was in so deep. it was from back in september, back when he was merely assembling the ladder, back when things were easier. he's smiling for the photo, the beams of golden light girls on his instagram feed could only dream of hitting his cheeks and nose and hair just right and illuminating those stupid eyes of his so much that alex could see it from the tiny photo on his phone. 

now though, george seems to be taunting him. the light in his eyes shines an unfamiliar shade of yellow, one alex does not think he likes. his smile, once so endearing, seems to tell him all the reasons he wasn't good enough, his lips shaded with the words "yeah she's my gf now."

alex knows he's crying before he can truly sense it. the words piercing through him are blurry now, and he shakes like he's been left in the cold. he lets himself sob, the cries accompanying george's spurts of giggling from the other side of the wall. his heart is somewhere between pounding, stopping, and being shattered like glass on the floor. his blood is boiling, yet his palms are somehow freezing cold as he wraps his arms around himself, curling inward in hopes that if no one can see him, he will cease to exist as every positive emotion he's felt for the past month is reversed in a tumultuous cacophony of trembling cries to an ear that seemed not to listen.

his hopes, his stability, his whole world, it feels like, is crumbling down around him, and with it, he crumbles as well.

the tree withdraws its branches, hides the lemon from his sight. he watches as the yellows he used to love so much are engulfed by green. he is too late. 


End file.
